TooSerious

For those who take it way too seriously

We ORFFANs enjoy a good old-fashioned love in with Clint. So, I though, why, in the depths of winter, why not binge out on Clint Eastwood movies? A feeble attempt to match games to movies our hero either starred in or directed. Some match-ups featured long-standing rivalries, the palimpsests on which ORFFA’s history is written, and some just fitted in with the theme. Then late Sunday rolled around and the Association went into conniptions as Swans and Giants players were withdrawn from named teams because of potential covid worries. As some players went into lockdown (please excuse the editorial exaggeration for impact) our teams were already locked in. But we carried on as the full round of games was played. Luckily, no real hard luck stories emerged.

Gariwerd Cockatoos (1230) v Larrikin Lagoon Lefties (1022)

Rawhide (1959-1965) – long running TV series set in the west pitting good against bad. It was when we first observed Clints habit of speaking through his teeth. The oldest ORFFA squad against the team perpetually looking to return to the glory days – back before some of us were born? I hear you say. Back then Clint played a cowboy named Rowdy Yates. Sadly, no player in this match had either name. However, there were some supporting roles of note. For the home side Touk Miller (120) naturally starred. Predictably there were centuries from Aaron Hall (110) and Cam Guthrie (108) and geriatrics Shannon Hurn (114) and Josh P Kennedy (109). If I sound bored, it also happened last week against my mob. The Lefties were anodyne. When you see the scores of the players who were not middle of the road, daytime TV standard you will understand - Tarryn Thomas (108), James Worpel (100), Jy Simpkin (99), Mitchell Georgiades (95).

Move 'em on, head 'em up
Head 'em up, move 'em on
Move 'em on, head 'em up
Rawhide

Charlies Opening Spelunkers (1241) v Foul Bay Chickens (1267)

The Man with No Name* series (mid 1960s) – the spaghetti...
It’s the stage of the season where most coaches are making their final upgrades.
Some would’ve been able to finish their team a couple of weeks ago, and others might still have a couple of upgrades to go.

Once you’ve made your final upgrade and hence finished your team, post it in here, let us know your cash in hand and how many trades you have for the run home.
Apologies for the delay..

Waikikamoocow 1182 defeated Nareewillock 921

The Cows win as expected, Bailey (124), Mitchell (110) and Newman (106) led the charge, Papley’s 29 the lowlight but not alone in underperforming, Graeme will be looking for the key to firing this lot up for finals.
For the Nuffers Hill appears to have remembered what footy is all about, Keath continues his reliability, Gulden, Dow and Rowell all offering hope whilst CCJ’s 5 is better than some recent ruck scores it lacked magnitude.

Gundagai 1343 defeated Gariwerd 1243
This game was closer than one might have thought a month or so ago, ant has the cockies up and running whilst snoz’s powerhouse is developing cracks of inconsistency.
The Hoppers had 7 century makers led by Grundy (126) and Mills (121) while Bilings Martin and Cripps underwhelmed.
The Cockatoos had 4 raise the bat, Miller’s 153 was the standout amongst a group that mostly played to their level, lack of a playing ruck cost him a realistic chance of a win.

Wineglass Bay 1109 defeated by Lovely Banks 1197
Another good contest, this time between two teams at similar stages of development both packed with draftees who for the most part did their owners proud.
The Packers had Lynch (126) and Dunstan (118) salute while Lukosius, Keays, Hewett and Daicos all excited.
For the Lilacs Parish attempted to win it all on his own with a mammoth 190 making Amon (126) and Stewart (107 look small by comparison.

Marble Bar 1340 defeated Larrikin Lagoon 920
Predictable outcome given where the two teams sit in their build, Marble Bar’s MSD pickup McCarthy led the Misfits with 120.
The Lefties had no 100s, but solid performances across the board from the youth is no doubt encouraging for mollydookers across the nation.

Iron Knob 1017 defeated by Venus Bay 1145
The Cods played with 2 OOP defenders and one short in the mids, Macrae, Darling and de Goey tried hard to get them over the line but too much left to...
A week with some monster scores, high-quality matches, including a couple of close ones, but also plenty of dross. So here is this week’s review, aka ‘The good, the bad and the ugly’.

(Note: some of these are a reach but I had to shoehorn a couple in to fit :))

Gundagai Grasshoppers 1449 def Waikikamoocow Incorrigibles 1178

The Hoppers
The Good: Eight tons and 1449
The Bad: No tons up fwd
The Ugly: Cripps (a stretch when you've posted 1400+)

The Incorrigibles
The Good: Gov, Titch and Howe
The Bad: Fyfe’s withdrawal
The Ugly: Finlayson

Nareewillock Nuffers 924 def by Wineglass Bay Packers 1023

The Nuffers
The Good: Two playing rucks!
The Bad: Only three scores over 80
The Ugly: Samson Ryan’s debut (poor kid)

The Packers
The Good: The midfield
The Bad: Played one short
The Ugly: Five scores under 50

Gariwerd Cockatoos 1308 def Marble Bar Misfits 1256

The Cockies
The Good: Seven tons
The Bad: The ruck
The Ugly: A couple scored 50 or less

The Misfits
The Good: Whitfield
The Bad: The forward line
The Ugly: McCartin’s 29

Lovely Banks Lilacs 994 def Iron Knob Codpieces 930

The Lilacs
The Good: Won despite a bad week
The Bad: Played one short
The Ugly: No healthy ruck

The Cods
The Good: Macrae and Scrimshaw
The Bad: The forward line
The Ugly: Only managed 13 warm bodies

Larrikin Lagoon Lefties 951 def by Whitsunday Warriors 1001

The Lefties
The Good: Simpkin
The Bad: Only fielded 14
The Ugly: The forwards (apart from Marshall)

The Warriors
The Good: The oldies, Boak and Smith
The Bad: The forwards (apart from Dixon)
The Ugly: Six scores under 50

Venus Bay Vultures 1343 def Charlies Opening Spelunkers 1238

The Vultures
The Good: Buddy wound back the clock
The Bad: Mids were down
The Ugly: A couple didn’t get to 50

The Spelunkers
The Good: Bont and Zerrett
The Bad: Forwards were average
The Ugly: A couple didn’t get to 50 (and a...



The Western Bulldogs had the worst defence of the eight teams during the regular season that contested last year’s AFL Finals Series. After 10 games of the current campaign, however, they sit atop of the ladder after snatching the highest rung from Melbourne on points percentage.

It’s clear that the Bulldogs, who lost in the first round of the AFL Finals by three points, have tightened things up. They had the second-best defence in the league going into a top two clash with Melbourne at the Marvel Stadium in Docklands.

That clash could well shape how the rest of the regular AFL season pans out. The pair have a six-point advantage over Brisbane Lions, Geelong and Adelaide Crows going into that game. Strong form for both the Bulldogs and Melbourne, who recently lost their unbeaten record for the campaign, comes in stark contrast to the reigning premiers Richmond.

The Tigers finished last season third on the ladder before bouncing back from a loss to the Brisbane Lions to make and win the AFL Grand Final, beating Geelong to claim the Premiership. However, Richmond have been indifferent with five wins and as many defeats this term, form which isn’t as yet enough to book another berth in the Finals Series.

It’s, therefore, no surprise that Western Bulldogs and Melbourne seemingly have it between them in the Aussie Rules betting on the regular season winner. Going into their match, it’s the Bulldogs who are made the 2.87 favourites to finish top of the ladder.



An outright AFL Grand Final success is a bigger price in a more open betting market, however. Nobody is disposing of the ball in the league more than Jack Macrae right now with the Bulldogs. Not only is he winning...
In the short post ORFFA life of this fantasy coach I have become nostalgic. What greater nostalgia is represented by the 1960’s to 1980’s Friday and Saturday nights in Australia and New Zealand which were often spent visiting Suburban drive-ins which showed a single, double and in some cases triple bill with families of 6 or 7 piling into domestic made vehicles and clipping on their drive-in movie speakers to watch some wholesome and not so wholesome entertainments. Kids were running back and forth to the concession stands while once it got dark the teenagers in other sections mostly necked and became familiar with their sweethearts in their Datsun 180B or other such stylish younger persons vehicles of the time.

So here is an attempted drive in and movie themed review of both the wonderful week and partial season so far in the ORFFA, apologies for any errors or omissions as my movie buffdom is limited at best and used only for poorly presented thematic purposes, and note of course the upcoming State of Origin and MSD period which now take centre stage while the 18 clubs take a brief hiatus.

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Misfits 1425 defeated Hoppers 1209
The match shaped as blockbuster movie with the reigning oscar winners against the powerhouse challengers from marble bar. While the Marvel loving Misfit’s Fans would have been hoping to unwind for a full Avenger’s Trilogy the sole Drive In Offering at Marble Bar is a remake of the 1961 classic Western Movie – The Misfits - Starring Nic Nat (163), and Jake Lloyd (142) from the team of the same name and a cameo from Clayton Oliver (139) from the vanquished premiers, who remain 2nd and amongst the favourites to defend their tile despite the loss to the 3rd ranked side.

Rating - a solid 4.5 stars, a sequel is rumoured to be in the works scheduled for late August

Wombats 993 def by Vultures 1162
This match was poised as another blockbuster with top 4 fortunes in the balance and saw the visitors...
Round 10, Round 10 - so close to MSD redemption (or damnation) yet so far away at the same time.

Anyhoo, here's the review.

Marble Bar Misfits 1322 vs Waikikamoocow Incorrigibles 1300

Waikikamoocow just missed out on causing the upset in high-scoring game against the high-flying Misfits - 22 points the difference in the matchup.

Nine total tons across both teams, but what really stands out is the number of 80+ scores from the squads. So much depth - a fact borne out with each team's high scorer (Nic Nat for the Misfits, Mitchell for the Cows) racking up the points from the interchange bench.

Marble Bar retain third place on the ORFFA ladder with the win, while the Incorrigibles sit a mere game outside the top eight.

Wineglass Bay Packers 1203 vs Iron Knob Codpieces 1127

Tracey's Packers made it four wins from 10 games with another encouraging performance - a 86 point win over Iron Knob.

The youngsters are now starting to make an impact for Wineglass Bay - Ash, Keays, McGrath, Daicos, Weightman and Poulter all notable on the weekend. Liam Baker's 2021 continues to go from strength to strength, while Tom De Koning looks a real find.

Iron Knob would be bouyed by Macrae and Greenwood in the middle, Scrimshaw and Quaynor down back and old man Robbie in the forward line. However coach Jim would be looking for more from the likes of King, Mihocek, de Goey and Riewoldt.

Gundagai Grasshoppers 1482 vs Whitsunday Warriors 1265

The Hoppers bounced along at the pointy end of the ladder, almost breaching the magical 1500 point barrier in a comfortable win over the Warriors.

Clayton Oliver's lazy double ton spearheaded the insect swarm, which more than adequately covered for a forwardline doughnut. The Hoppers' backline notching nearly 450 by themselves.

The Warriors would've liked what they saw out of Quinton Narkle, who joined Kamdyn Mcintosh in scoring 115+. Beyond those two there were plenty of decent scores .... but countering Oliver's...
Sorry about the delay this week folks, stats are up and all is well.

How's about that Oliver hey, reckon he might have a future in this business.
Ahhh Fellowship round… where we raise a glass to our brethren and thank them for their wit, advice, banter and general mateship.

Just like J. R. R. Tolkein in The Fellowship Of The Ring, every year we embark on a quest. 18 coaches all trying to get to that big mountain off in the distance that is the ORFFA premiership.

I’m writing the review this week… all abuse, cajoling and editorial corrections are welcome.

Waikikamoocow Incorrigibles 1146 defeated Iron Knob Codpieces 1058

The Cows come from the land of the Long White Cloud, which served as the stunning backdrop for the movie adaptation of Tolkein’s classic. On the field, the Cows were average, in that they had 10 players score between 70 and 100. That proved to be the difference as Jim’s mob had a few drop into the 60’s, and a donut from Riewoldt didn’t help. The patrons at the Bulls Hit were happy with the win.

Tons
Cows: Crouch, Robinson
Cods: Scrimshaw, Greenwood, Darling

Shit:
Cows: Burton, Hibberd, Orazio
Cods: Quaynor, Nelson, Gibbons, Mihocek

Whitsunday Warriors 1224 defeated by Marble Bar Misfits 1372

The Warriors, when kitted up in their historic war uniform, have been likened to a horde of ugly orcs coming out from the gates of Mordor. The Misfits are a bit of a mishmash of all sorts, but predominantly orange, like Gimli the Dwarf… and smashed through the warriors like Gimli’s axe went through many an orc helm.

Tons
Warriors: Boak, Wines, McInerney, Dixon
Misfits: Daniel, Kelly, Hickey, Naitanui, Flynn

Shit
Warriors: Cameron
Misfits: Farrell

Charlies Opening Spelunkers 1165 defeated Wineglass Bay Packers 1001

The Spelunkers are true Cavemen like Gollum, and occasionally pop up and come into the light, revealing their pasty white complexions, and fascination for shiny objects. This time they stole a win from Wineglass Bay in another Apple Isle battle. The upper end of the Spelunkers got the job done, with big Lurch Darcy starting to reward the patience of the Commish. Packers improving,...
Courtesy of @TerryinBangkok

Some Mothers do have ‘em.

What a round! Close calls all over the place as coaches did their best for Mum (although for some it was just a walk in the Thomas Jefferson Park). We may have even had a Mum who won (but we don’t need to know about that). Perhaps it is appropriate that Mother’s Day Round proves to be season defining.

First cab off the rank was the annual Pinot (& mushroom) Cup with the sunny isles hosting the golfing, bridge playing pig hunters. Whitsunday Warriors (1233) rose to the occasion with their best score of the year, with both defenders and forwards rampant for Mum. But it was not good enough for the Waikiks (1243) who had Mitchell (147) and some other useful bodies in the guts. That’s where it counts. So that was our excitement for this season and @graeme returns home retaining cup in hand. If Dusty didn’t have to quarantine, then the doyen of the Bull’s Head Tavern should be okay.

The return to form of de Goey (118) was enough for the Iron Knob (1145). Just. If you dig down into it, the Spelunkers (1027) were huge in the middle with the Bont (155) and Zerrett (131), but stuffed it up completely with a donut and a p-poor effort on the bench. Even heroics from Darcy were not enough. Frustrating.

Snoz is always going on about math. Maybe he has something. Let us see now. 90 – 27 = 63. Right? And 1341 – 1325 = 16. Right? Perhaps @Len knows what I’m talking about. Job security for Leon Cameron would not be good if he did that. So, the Misfits (1325) went down to the Chooks (1341). The Misfits had a clear edge in the middle, but the Chickens excelled on the forward line. I would like to say that this game requires concentration, but then I concentrate like hell every week and it does me no good.

Clearly Lenny didn’t get the memo about it being Mother’s Day. Packers (1063) went down to the Wombats...