Totally Serious News: Hird Checks With Weiner... Boldy Declares "We Can Still Play Finals."

Discussion in 'Blog' started by the_steadier, Jun 29, 2015.

By the_steadier on Jun 29, 2015 at 10:00 AM
  1. the_steadier

    the_steadier Moderator

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    <div style='text-align: center;]<img data-url='http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Sport/Pix/pictures/2013/7/31/1375278770577/James-Hird-003.jpg' alt='[​IMG]' class='bbCodeImage LbImage' src='http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Sport/Pix/pictures/2013/7/31/1375278770577/James-Hird-003.jpg[/img]​


    Essendon Coach James Hird has today categorically declared 'we can still play finals' after receiving confirmation his team is still a participant in the Australian Football League.



    Club spokesperson, Pippa Tyde, added to Hird's comments, 'We've had it verified by multiple sources, including the official AFL ladder- which still lists the Essendon Bombers as a team.'



    It is believed the club has hired top mathematician Professor Morris Weiner to verify there are enough games remaining in the season, to potentially place between 1 and 8 under the AFL's Wholelotta-Funkworth scoring system.



    'The term 'mathematically possible' gets thrown around a lot in football...but never this early in the season.' said Weiner, 'Hirdy's given us a real outlier.'



    According to Weiner, the disastrous and ultimately final, 1914 season of the University Football Club is the only other example of such early use of grossly misleading optimism.



    'The game was different back then of course, but University coach Reginald Knickerbocker was forced to use maths to justify his job after round 2... so James is by comparison very safe.' said Weiner.



    Hird made his comments prior to boarding a flight to Greece to oversee a personal investment of his family's entire life savings.



    When asked about the timing, purpose and mode of transport of his trip, Hird was quick to hose down criticism declaring;

    'People need to stop questioning my judgement...

    and accept that I know what I'm doing.'



    When quizzed further on what he was in fact doing, he responded:

    'whatever it takes' as the door to the experimental blimp 'Hindenberg II' closed it's paper mache door.
     

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Discussion in 'Blog' started by the_steadier, Jun 29, 2015.

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