Unofficial scores Noahs 1178 def Bucks 1157 prob too close to call this given my chequered mathematical history
Here is the review of Round 1 thanks to Chat GPT and in the voice of the late great Dennis Commetti (RIP) Round 1 of the 2026 ORFFF season… and if you were expecting a gentle warm-up, well — this came in like a cork in the ocean. Hard to predict, harder to stop, and at times, downright bewildering. We’ll begin at Jan Juc, where the Ducks have etched their name into history — unfortunately, in the wrong column. 686. The lowest ORFFF score of all time. That’s not just a bad day — that’s playing the blues like BB King without a guitar. To make matters worse that is the Ducks 31st consecutive loss. The Useless Loop Virgins, on the other hand, were clinical, piling on 1216 with passages of play that were simply centimetre perfect. At Sherwood, the Magpies ran into a Black Swamp side that meant business. The 29ers racked up a commanding 1506, and at times, they made it look easy — moving the ball with that smooth, deliberate style that has you thinking they’ve got all the time in the world. The Magpies weren’t terrible, but they were second to the contest all day — chasing like a dog after a ute, and not getting any closer. Mt Thirsty Boozers and the Macquarie Island Whales gave us something closer — and a lot more gripping. The Boozers edged it 1299 to 1204, and this one had tension you could cut with a butter knife. Every time the Whales surged, the Boozers steadied — not flashy, but effective. You might say they were sneaking up like a librarian, then striking when it mattered most. Drouin and Maralinga was a proper scrap. The Dropbears got up 1315 to 1262, but not before the Atoms made them earn every inch. This wasn’t about style — it was about substance. The Atoms had their chances — plenty of them — but just couldn’t quite land the telling blow. When the pressure came, Drouin stood tall. Now, The Stony Ponys and the Wedge Island White Pointers — this one will sting. 1312 to 1291. The Ponys ought to be kicking themselves right now. But with their luck, they’d probably miss. It was that kind of day — close, tense, and ultimately heartbreaking. The White Pointers just found a way, inch by inch, moment by moment, until they edged in front when it counted. Walpole Woylies? They didn’t edge anything — they stamped it. 1344 to 1103 over the Rutherglen Fugitives. The Woylies were everywhere, doing everything right, while the Fugitives were left trying to plug holes in a sinking ship. At times, Walpole looked unstoppable - the ball movement crisp, clean, and efficient.The Fugitives had a crack, but it felt like they were always reacting, never dictating. Neptune Island Noahs took care of business against the Nangkita Bucks, 1178 to 1127. Not a classic, but a professional performance. The Noahs built their win steadily, like a team that knows exactly what it’s doing — no panic, no fuss, just getting the job done. The Bucks stayed in it, but never quite looked like taking it away. And Port Lincoln Power rounded things out with a 1173 to 1016 win over the Heard Island Shags. The Power weren’t spectacular, but they were solid — and sometimes that’s all you need. The Shags had their moments, but consistency wins matches, and Port Lincoln had it in spades. So there you have it — Round 1. A bit of everything: domination, desperation, heartbreak… and one scoreline that’ll be talked about for years. The Ducks’ 686 — the lowest ever — a number that might just linger like a bad echo. If that’s the opening chapter… you’d have to say this season is well and truly alive.