Courtesy of AI: The league office reportedly approached several volunteers to write this week's match report. Every single one suddenly had "other commitments", including reorganising sock drawers, alphabetising spice racks and counting grains of rice. Eventually someone drew the short straw. Here we are. Iron Knob Codpieces (1211) def. Wagga Wagga Wombats (1055) The long trek from Wagga Wagga to Iron Knob clearly took its toll. Somewhere between sheep paddocks and the Eyre Peninsula, the Wombats misplaced Marc Pittonet, Jordan Ridley and Will Setterfield, who all apparently decided scoring points was optional. Isaac Cumming also appears to have taken a wrong turn at Hay. Iron Knob, famous for its iron ore rather than free-flowing football, simply forged enough steel to get the job done. James Peatling hammered away with 116 while Josh Rachele and Jack Gunston joined the fun. Max Michalanney and Hugo Hall-Kahan contributed absolutely nothing, presumably after being distracted trying to determine whether Iron Knob is the only town name that gets funnier every time you say it. The Wombats did produce the week's most determined solo expedition thanks to Jack Ginnivan (118), but asking one bloke to drag the team home is a bit like asking an actual wombat to tow a caravan. If the Codpieces are eyeing a climb up the ladder, this was exactly the sort of win they needed. The Wombats, meanwhile, may wish to check the team bus for any more missing passengers. Shark Bay Tigersharks (1181) def. Larrikin Lagoon Lefties (999) The Lefties travelled from picturesque Larrikin Lagoon only to discover the Tigersharks had already filled the water with metaphorical chum. Harley Reid (131), Wayne Milera (117), Hugo Garcia (113) and Mattaes Phillipou (109) circled relentlessly while Liam Reidy somehow managed a ruck score of zero, suggesting he spent the afternoon feeding actual sharks instead. The Lefties had Tristan Xerri monster the ruck with 133 and Willem Duursma chipped in 108, but Tom Blamires' spectacular score of 3 deserves recognition. It takes genuine commitment to avoid accidentally scoring more than that. Mitch Georgiades' five-point effort suggests he was playing hide-and-seek rather than football. For a side trying to stay in touch with the upper reaches of the ladder, Shark Bay looked dangerous. The Lefties looked like they'd accidentally booked the sightseeing cruise instead of the football match. Wineglass Bay Packers (1267) def. Waikickamoocow Incorrigibles (1144) The Incorrigibles made the long journey from Waikickamoocow—a place whose spelling is harder than beating Wineglass Bay at home. Josh Daicos (135) and Darcy Cameron (126) uncorked a vintage performance, while Jacob van Rooyen exploded for 138 after apparently discovering someone had insulted his favourite cheese platter. George Hewett's 33 looked suspiciously like he'd stopped halfway through to admire the scenery around Tasmania's famous Wineglass Bay. The visitors were admirably led by Josh Ward (117), Murphy Reid (107) and Josh Treacy (101), but Tom Papley somehow ended up as the nominated ruckman and scored 24, which feels like the fantasy equivalent of asking your accountant to captain an America's Cup yacht. The Packers continue to look like genuine contenders. The Incorrigibles remain incorrigible. Gundagai Grasshoppers (1500) def. Charlies Opening Spelunkers (1379) If you scored 1379 and lost by 121, you have experienced what doctors refer to as "running into a freight train." Gundagai, home of the famous Dog on the Tuckerbox, unleashed an entire kennel. Lachie Neale (153), Izak Rankine (149), Clayton Oliver (127), Jordan Dawson (116), Jai Newcombe (105) and Charlie Curnow (104) all piled on. The Spelunkers weren't exactly hiding in caves either. Will Ashcroft (174) emerged carrying enough points to feed a small nation, Marcus Bontempelli had 152 and Lloyd Meek crashed through for 150 off the bench. At one point rumours spread that the fantasy scoring servers were overheating. Both teams looked every bit like finals material. Unfortunately for the Spelunkers, Gundagai apparently decided this was the week to break mathematics. Gariwerd Cockatoos (1246) def. Birdsville Battlers (1169) The Battlers made the lonely pilgrimage from Birdsville, where distances are measured in "Are we there yet?" rather than kilometres. Jake Bowey (133), Max Holmes (112) and Sam Durham (106) ensured the Cockatoos kept chirping all afternoon. Darcy Parish's 37 suggested he'd wandered off to admire the Grampians scenery instead. Birdsville responded gamely through Ned Moyle (118), Adam Cerra (114) and Harris Andrews (102), but Dylan Moore's 88 couldn't quite stop the Cockatoos from pecking away. There were reports of an actual cockatoo stealing somebody's lunch during the second quarter. Frankly, it was one of the more believable things that happened this round. Lovely Banks Lilacs (1212) def. Junee Jaguars (1127) The Jaguars only had to travel from Junee—a town famous for licorice and railways—but they still couldn't derail the Lilacs. Callum Wilkie produced an absurd 191, a score so large investigators are checking whether he accidentally played two games simultaneously. Tom Stewart (107) and Archie Roberts (90) backed him up, while Jye Amiss contributed zero after apparently deciding "Amiss" was an instruction rather than a surname. Junee had Kieren Briggs dominate with 148 and Connor MacDonald kick in 123, but Caleb Daniel's 45 suggested he spent most of the afternoon sampling Junee Chocolate Factory leftovers before departure. The Lilacs keep blooming at exactly the right time of year. Venus Bay Vultures (1131) def. Mount Beauty Uglies (1056) This was billed as Beauty versus... well... Uglies. Mount Beauty looked anything but beautiful despite Bradley Hill's 138 and Max Gawn's 116. Christian Petracca somehow produced 55, leading to speculation he'd spent the day sightseeing instead of playing. The Vultures circled patiently. Nasiah Wanganeen-Milera soared to 154, Luke Parker gathered 106 and Kysaiah Pickett swooped whenever required. Patrick Dangerfield's 44 suggested he'd briefly forgotten which sport he was playing. As the Uglies faded, the Vultures simply waited. That's kind of their thing. Nareewillock Nuffers (1367) def. Cradle Mountain Devils (1399... actually, no they didn't) The scoreboard insists the Devils scored 1399, yet somehow the Nuffers were awarded the victory in the fixture list everyone has already argued about at least three times this season. If the Devils really did lose after scoring 1399, someone should launch a royal commission. If, however, the Nuffers actually won with 1367 because fantasy football has once again descended into spreadsheet sorcery, then congratulations to Ed Richards (133), Harry Himmelberg (129), Errol Gulden (109) and Caleb Serong (104). Meanwhile the Devils received outstanding service from Jack Steele (123), Rowan Marshall (122), Toby Nankervis (116), Toby Greene (106) and Ed Langdon (104). Lachlan Blakiston's score of 8 deserves special mention. Eight! That's not a fantasy score—that's the number of chips left in the bowl after one person says, "I'll just have a couple." Around the Ladder... With the finals race tightening, every win suddenly feels enormous. The Grasshoppers continue looking terrifying, the Packers and Cockatoos remain firmly in the hunt, while sides like the Codpieces and Tigersharks are desperately trying to climb into the conversation before time runs out. Further down, several teams are discovering that fielding multiple players who score zero is a surprisingly ineffective tactical innovation. This concludes the review nobody wanted to write. Next week's edition has been handed to Bandit, who is now discovering that agreeing to "help out" in fantasy football is how these things happen. We look forward to his insightful analysis, his inevitable complaints, and at least one accusation that the scoring system is rigged.