Penned by some dude in a hole.
@Bandit


After a wildly successful debut last season, the ORFFA Women’s Round is back. Most importantly, the round is marked by our two female coaches leading their improving teams into battle.


Wagga Wagga Wombats 1057 defeated Mount Beauty Uglies 716

The statisticians were heard muttering that if @bama was able to field a full team on the park, he would have knocked off the marsupials, with his Uglies averaging 71.6 per player to the Wombat’s 70.4. Ranga Oliver knocked up a 124 and Wildman Sicily smashed out a 145 for Wagga Wagga. What @Lenny120 would give for Sicily to be available more than every other week because of suspension. For the away team Jack Graham tallied 131 and the people’s beard knocked out a lazy 127, without a checkside or irate front row fan to be seen.


Whitsunday Warriors 1194 defeated Marble Bar Misfits 1141

The Warriors took care of the undermanned misfits in a fairly pedestrian affair, with Richard Douglas(132) and Kane Lambert(120) the only players giving a shit for the home side. Lachlan Fogarty battled on in the ruck for a scintillating 33, exactly half of the Misfit’s full time ruckman Ryder. Daniher will be out for a few weeks with the good old osteitis pubis, apparently unrelated to his highly heralded performance of the Nutbush in the Tiki Bar the night before.


Charlies Opening Spelunkers 1014 defeated by Iron Knob Codpieces 1195

If @ChiefRussell was concerned his mid season draft pick was going north, then I certainly tried to put that to rest with a meagre 1014. The fact that I jumped up a ladder spot based on season scoring differential will cause the offices of ChiefBet to go into meltdown. The Bont pulled out late when his zungwang blew a vessel, and the rest of the team were their normal average selves. The men with the protruding genital protection took care of business in the pit, with Jackson McCrae going mental with a 189.


Wineglass Bay Packers 845 defeated by Lovely Banks Lilacs 1108

The crowd was out of their seats with the pregame entertainment @Tracey ’s team put on. After a great cover of ‘Sisters are doing it for themselves’ by Vika and Linda Bull, their performance of ‘It’s raining men’ was received with rave reviews. Take note Gil… Meatloaf is crap, both the artist and food varieties! The home side were also very Meatloaf-esque. Young hotshots McGrath (102) and Dunstan (114) were great, but without a ruck it was certainly a case of two out of three ain’t bad. @Jen ’s team continue to improve and Sinclair is adding value in a line that most ORFFA coaches are struggling with.


Venus Bay Vultures 1330 defeated Cradle Mountain Devils 1274

@Fitzy ’s mob continue their march, taking care of the Devils at Pippie Beach. @dmandrews can be entitled to feel a little bit miffed, with his score being good enough to knock off 13 other teams. Only the forward line is providing any selection conundrums for the Vultures match committee, and it’s scary to think he has Docherty in the shed for next season as well. For Cradle Mountain, it might be decision time as to if the premiership window is flung open, or nailed shut and the rebuild commences. AT least Zorko the magnificent (164) went nuts without having Touk Miller heckling him this week.


Waikikamoocow Incorrigibles 1317 defeated Birdsville Battlers 1146

People are getting tired of hearing @graeme bang on about two things… 1) Harry Morrison and 2) his value proposition when it comes to trading. One is a bona fide fact… Morrison looks to be a pickup. The other one is about as accurate as Trump’s denial of the Stormy Daniel’s payment. On the field though, the cows are doing their thing, notching another fairly comfortable win against the Battlers. The midfield was on fire, except for Daniel Howe, who, if Graeme is truly offering value with trades, should be available for a steal after submitting a 22 on the weekend. Not sure what is going wrong with Birdsville, maybe just a couple of seasons too early, because they look like they have the potential.


Gariwerd Cockatoos 1386 defeated Nunawading Nuffers 958

The Cockies submit the highest score for the round, taking to the Nuffers in a big way. Lynden Dunn and Bundy Christensen were the only passengers for the Cockies, and even a brutal Nic Nat tackle didn’t do squat to fire up the visitors. Unfortunately for the ORFFA community, this game also spelt the end for @melbandy as the figurehead of the Nuffers. Two of the old stalwarts of the team in Josh kennedy and Dale Thomas stood up in his final game, and then chaired the former coach off the ground amongst smoke grenades, glitter guns and cheerleaders aplenty. Andy, you will be missed by all of us, and we hope that the real life challenges you have sort themselves out super quick, and that we see you around the traps soon. We are very fortunate that @TheTassieHawk has thrown his hand up to take over the Nunawading franchise, with more on that to come at a later date.


Larrikin Lagoon Lefties 770 defeated by Darraweit Guim Dirigibles 1060

The Blimps belted the Lefties by nearly 300 points, but it doesn’t mask over the fact they only just scored over a grand. Jelly Guy only fielded 10 players, but it may as well have been nine, as Nick Shipley posted 7 points in a demonstration regarding the current leadership… time will tell if he gets a Guernsey this week. For Darraweit, it was a whole bucket of mediocre, with 10 scores below 90 and no ruckman present, even though @chris88 named two. Time to get in the room of mirrors folks.


Gundagai Grasshoppers 1162 defeated by Foul Bay Chickens 1433

In the Sunday afternoon game, the up and coming swarm of bugs were henpecked to within an inch of their life by the Chooks. Curnow (136), neale (123) and Reg Grundy (110) were respectable, but it was traditional Pies rivals that gave a big get stuffed to @snoz. Zac Fisher (55) and Jake Stringer (41) were well below par, Stringer feeling very hurt by the coaches comments about the Paddle Pop lion tat he has on his guts. The Chooks turned back the clock and dished out a huge score, with the coach finally getting Tim Kelly onto the park, and his Geelong team mates Danger (108), Selwood (135) and Tomahawk (108) got in on the action. No one else scored below 72… beware ORFFAns, the Chooks are back after the Aquanita findings have been passed!