The Kiwi Kid @graeme steps up to the mic...


Well, well, well – round three already and still we have rolling lock-outs. Why? Because we must bow to the almighty broadcast $ (Gil’s dictum #1). What interest do you in the next eight days if your afl side plays Thursday evening? None, but wait there is more; thank goodness for ORFF and fantasy footy. Thank you for introducing some colour into our dull lives @walesy

The round promised some nice match ups with perhaps the cobalt chooks against the deep midfield of the ‘hoppers garnering most attention outside of our direct, self-interested FL affiliation. Have been a bit too cheery lately, so am playing some Leonard Cohen for balance (“x”).


Whitsunday Warriors (1248) v Birdsville Battlers (1180)

TiB claimed to be in trouble after round 1 and reaffirmed that during round 2. There was a point in the MSD draft when TiB missed out to Lenny on Rozee by one pick (but it’s OK, he thought, I’ll grab one of the Port kids at #26) only to watch on helpless as Zac Butters, Xavier Duursma and Willem Drew went at picks #’s 19, 20 and 22. Would the Battlers be lulled into a false sense of security over “Friday Free Drinks” at the Tiki Bar or would JC’s mob move away from their attempt to have a perfect 100% points for and against?

Boak (136) reminded us of the spirit of the power. Suckling (101), Smith (118) and Jez (163) maintained the momentum. For the Battlers (see what we did there with Josh Battle) Dom Sheed (111) remembered last September and Hippy’s century would have been handy afield. Ryan (156) and Hunter (105) tried their best but the home side was too strong.

(“and she shows you where to look among the garbage and the flowers”)


Nareewillock Nuffers (950) v Waikikamoocow Incorrigibles (1248)
A chance for the cows to check the form of former favourite Dan Hann was unfortunately restricted to a glimpse through the gym windows and the question “could he get over the white line?” Would TTH manage to reduce the 231 point margin the last time the two teams tussled?

SPP (115) and Darcy Tucker (109) were good for the home side, but that highlighted the missed opportunities from previous drafts (‘nuff said). For the visitors, the banjo player (131), Menegola (115), Brouch (114) and Papley (105) just highlighted the NN problem. A good weekend for the cows until Fyfe was concussed.

(“She's wearing rags and feathers from Salvation Army counters”)


Nowhere Else Wanderers (978) v Mount Beauty Uglies (1249)

Could the home team crash through the 1000 point barrier this week? The Uglies on the other hand looked to a first win for the season with a mixture of fear, anticipation and alcohol. And so it proved. Sidebum (132), Gawn (126), Maynard (110) and Walsh (112) did enough to take home the chocolates. For the Wanderers Cogs (102) and Walters (120) were left with too much to do on their lonesome. However, the playing rookies showed enough to suggest the future is bright. One team had to win and now they have one a piece.

(“Oh, so long, Marianne
It's time that we began to laugh
And cry and cry and laugh about it all again”)


Marble Bar Misfits (1415) v Liverpool FC Tragics (978)

The increasingly lightly tinged orange of the misfits garb might have been a bit subtle for Banditto’s one eyed mob in this clash between the immediate former commish v current commish. Would an obscure rule be brought into play? For the home team would Kelly or Ward be fit? For the visitors, would the continuing trauma from antipodean events finally cause cavemen everywhere to recant their love of Gerrard and glory long passed?

One has only to flick to the Giants v Soft Fluffy Tiggers scores to see the result; Whitfield (152), Taranto (112) and Z Williams (101). But it’s no longer possible to think of the Misfits as gws centric. Smith (102), Sloane (107), Lachie Weller (103) and Lloyd (130) underline that. For the hub cappers Zerrett (120), Brayshaw (108), Bontempelli (124), Bowes (117) and Stack (108 on debut, but on the pine) played well but the Reds were well beaten. The lack of depth is apparent, one third of the score from three players will not win many games.

(“If I, if I have been unkind
I hope that you can just let it go by”)


Wagga Wagga Wombats (1035) v Wineglass Bay Packers (1028)

The Clayton Oliverless small marsupials entertained the Mauve Marauders. Not much to distract Lenny from his studies unless you count another outing for Tom Scully, the possible return of Mummy and a debut for Bam Bam as important. Now I mention it, maybe Lenny should have been anxious even with Kennedy strangely absent.

The future is Rozee (116) in Lenny’s brave new world. Just not from the bench, please. Ed (the better looking and more skilled) Curnow (100) and (Jamie Cripps (108) added some weight to the home sides’ carcass. For the Pack Mummy (91 looked as playful as he did on video) and endured a taunt from yesterday’s tattooed Brownlow winner. Add in a dash of Constable (99) and not much else and the marsupials had cut and diced the visitors into cubes of you know what. Not the most inspiring game it must be said, but close. Lenny lucky, Tracey traumatic.

(“You were the promise at dawn
I was the morning after”)


Iron Knob Codpieces (1163) v Venus Bay Vultures (1256)

Some of Jimbo’s team could not be blamed for seeming more interested in whether their pension cheques had arrived rather than stretching Fitzy’s powerhouse. Does anyone remember the Harlem Globetrotters? The terms of their sinecure meant they almost always came home with some skill and fancy footwork. Thing was, no-one was ever sure how committed the opposition was. Fitzy made sure the Vultures stayed focussed in the face of any razzmatazz.

For the Knob’s JDG (113), Henderson (125) and Macrae (139) provided some tricks but had too little support. Silk’s no show may well have been decisive; love the mural however. For the short priced favourites Howe (103), Gaff (103) and Higgins (133) stood out in a very work person like performance. And there were some ominous nearly strong scores afield. Not great,but sufficient for Fitzy to build some momentum.

(“Thought I saw an eagle
But it might have been a vulture”)


Lovely Banks Lilacs (1281) v Larrikin Lagoon Lefties (1020)

I must admit to looking forward to another loss for the original “bye” team so the value of that first round MSD pick continues to appreciate. It seems the rejuvenated Lilacs (they are flying folks) only had to turn up to claim the four points, so what happened? They turned up and claimed the four points. Simples. In US court jargon Mike pleaded “no contest.” BTW love the ORFFA table – LLL LLL, you won’t see that too often.

Had there been some strong performance from players with surnames starting with “L” we would have been highly entertained. Instead the Lilacs lauded Heeney (137), Duncan (118), Parish (112), Rampe (103), Sinclair (109) and Stewart (108). The Lefties looked longingly at such languid largesse, but were uninspired apart from Angus of the helmet (108). The Lilacs are flying, or did I mention that already, now up to third on the ladder. Chris is on cleaning duties again.

(“a scheme is not a vision”)


Cradle Mountain Devils (1432) v Gariwerd Cockatoos (1180)

Last year’s beaten finalists against the often underperforming cockies. Seemed like a routine lay-up for “arguably one of the strongest midfields in the comp”. Last week the home team scored 1293 while the visitors only registered 1291. Hold on; back up the truck; let’s read that again. So everything was set for a nail biter. Or whatever it is devils and cockies have as nail equivalents.

Rich (101), Jones (116), Heppell (125), the magician (105), the real Lynch (121), Marshall (111) and Bruest (107) provided offensive momentum for the home side. While the decision to bench Zaharakis (135) looked critical it did not turn out that way. Ant’s playing group tried to rally; Hurn (105), MCrouch (119), Sydney Kennedy (113) and Lambert (140) tried to turn this into a thriller until the sheer weight of Devils strangled the cockies. Four points for the home team and a warning to those who think they may be in with a shot at this year’s crown.

(“You told me again you preferred handsome men
But for me you would make an exception”)


Foul Bay Chickens (1372) v Gundagai Grasshoppers (1514)

CR deflects his sides’ prospects. Here was another test (no Mike, not for the presence of Co in urine) in the shape of NY NY’s favourite FA side that ChiefBet™ himself had rated as second equal favourites. Having already defeated the short odds favourites in round one CR’s wisdom in postponing the rebuild was put to another test; i.e., against a real midfield (hope you are taking notes you devil you). Would the hooped forwards be up to it?

The home team got off to a cracking start – Dangerfield (128, Wantaway Kelly (107), Dollhouse (105) - and then the selection gremlins introduced themselves in the form of a ASX listed chain of struggling department stores. Cunnington (118) and Libba (150) showed real Sunday starch to provide a very respectable score. However, Grundy (132), Cripps (157) Neale (177) and someone who pre-injuries thought he had a pretty useful midfield said “wow, just wow.” Apart from that the ‘hoppers score was boosted by Mills (108), Martin (100) and Billings (108) and a couple of mid-90’s. In total sNoZ posted what may well have been his first >1500 score; well done. CR could admire the opposition and comfort himself that the chooks are for real in 2019.

(“I’m cold as a new razor blade.”)

"I can't help about the shape I'm in
I can't sing, I ain't pretty and my legs are thin
Don't ask me what I think of you
I might not give the answer that you want me to"
Peter Green