ORFFA round three review (of sorts)

Discussion in 'ORFFA' started by graeme, Apr 4, 2022.

  1. graeme

    graeme Well-Known Member

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    In Latin sinistra means left as in left-handed. Sure, it is the left-footed round but, hell this is ORFFA. Males are 23% more likely to be left-handed than females; that is no excuse for the sexism I have exhibited in this review – it just happened that way. The nifty nine (sorry Enid) chosen to correspond to the number of matches in what, if the afl marketing mob were better educated, would be described as the Derby round. But, of course, dem guys ain’t.

    Nareewillock Nuffers (1067) v Larrikin Lagoon Lefties (1031)

    As Leonardo Da Vinci* (1452 – 1519) might have said, “clearly the game of the round”. He was a right card was Leonardo. An opportunity to shine for the eponymous team, but all Jamie did pre-match was bitch, whine and complain. Similarly, Chris bemoaned how difficult it is to manage a team stuffed full of recent first round draft picks (NB - will trade for them any day Chris). Quality triumphed over who knows what. Fun fact: if Xerri had R/F status then the goonies would have won.

    *It’s depressing that when I entered Leonardo in my search engine the first results were Leonardo DiCaprio.


    Foul Bay Chickens (949) v Wagga Wagga Wombats (1205)

    A contest so abstract that Pablo Picasso would have applauded. “When a rebuild is not a rebuild” is a little-known canvas in the style of Pablo’s Analytic Cubism period (1909–1912). The painting is not of an object per se, rather it takes apart an object and analyses it in terms of its shapes. For the chooks cameos from Selwood / Ziebell / Goldstein suggested the players they were rather than the player they are now; a micro-analysis if you would. Lenny’s contribution was no less imaginative; capturing the essence of an empty contest in an almost macro-sense – albeit there were fewer empty spaces (zeros) than in his recent oeuvre. Overall, the montage was so avant-garde, unless you were a chook.


    Mount Beauty Uglies (1087) v Marble Bar Misfits (1341)

    Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart would have appreciated the potential for classical movement. There were some virtuoso performances which would have impressed the maestro (NicNat, Taranto, Gawn and Walsh). For as well as being a prolific composer he regularly performed his own compositions – notably the piano Concertos. When he died (1791) The Requiem,a requiem mass, was unfinished. Like a number of performances in this game in the sense of an close to excellent, but no cigar. Couldabeens abounded – think Whitfield, Daniel, Butters, Petracca . Please don’t shoot the messenger @HeavyMen , perhaps your expectations are set a little too high?


    Whitsunday Warriors (1190) v Birdsville Battlers (1065)

    John Fitzgerald Kennedy would have found a little something to like in this match-up. The simple philosophy contained in “ask not what ORFFA can do for you, but what you can do for ORFFA”. Fresh off a recent impressive intellectual points victory JC ventured to Hook Island and the calming atmosphere of the Tiki Bar and hosts TiB and Rebecca (Judd). BTW, was that melbandy I spied clearing tables? There were two potentially impressive sides on display. Sadly, only a few did what they could do for their teams (Boak, Wines, Chapman, Moore). Maybe the mediocrity of many of the others was down to being awestruck by the presence of JFK or in inability to come to grips with philosophy. Or maybe it was just early thoughts about the post-match revelries.


    Gundagai Grasshoppers (1273) v Wineglass Bay Packers 1216)

    Isaac Newton made seminal contributions to mathematics, optics and gravity. But it was his time as Master of the Royal Mint I wish to note. Newton estimated that 20% of the coins taken in during the Great Recoinage of 1696 were counterfeit and thus acts of high treason. Pity Isaac did not apply himself to the proposition what percentage of our teams are made up of counterfeit footballers. Any comparison of top v bottom is likely to be invidious and pre-match your scribe saw this as very unbalanced. However, the ‘hoppers had to rely on their elite players (we all know who) as the Packers excellence (Taylor, Preuss, Keays, Hewett) nearly carried the day. Fantasy imitated life as Jordan Dawson kicked what proved to be a winning goal in reality and fantasy.


    Charlies Opening Spelunkers (1022) v Cradle Mountain Devils (1356)

    Albert Einstein observed: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” As two of Tassie’s finest (well the Emerald Island’s finest and another local side) eyed each other up. We wondered, in an indifferent way, is there a way that (daylight) will not triumph over darkness? Well like in all good fairy tales, good triumphed over evil. Why is life not that simple? The reigning premiers are starting to stretch their legs with some very consistent scoring. Message to COS – hope you can handle the truth – Einstein’s mass–energy equivalence formula (E = mc2) does apply to ORFFA. Turn up short of two players then everything else be equal, mass will determine the result. Especially if @dmandrews (whose excellent commentary on the match is in the round 3 thread) is the opponent. But we know you Banditto: “If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.


    Venus Bay Vultures (1349) v Dunsborough Dung Beetles (1030)

    Fitzy knows a thing or three about winning. The intro to Ludwig van Beethoven’s Fifth (short-short-short-long) is the morse code for V (for Victory) and acts as a background to a match-up between one of ORFFA’s originals v one of the newbies. We don’t know much about the Cursing Fijian other than he is a hopeless romantic (i.e., supports St Kilda). The Vultures rattled off six centuries - Jarryd Lyons looks like a nice addition – and cruised. The Dung Beetles had four stars (Cogs, May, Green, Hind) with the rest basically passengers, albeit very young passengers.


    Gariwerd Cockatoos (1134) v Iron Knob Codpieces (934)

    Why is Cole Porter here among intellectual giants? How about “Anything Goes”? Ant started with a sledge (“the once mighty Iron Knob Codpieces”) and then surprised by (a) not fielding the oldest team in ORFFA history; (b) dropping Angus Brayshaw who reacted with a one finger salute and a casual 176. Ouch. To his credit churchboy did not rise to the bait just concentrated on consecutive wins. Some excellent efforts for the cocky cockies (Hurn, M Crouch, CJ) and encouraging form from the saintly knobs (Sinclair, King). But, in the end the sledger did not regret the selection errors.

    Good authors, too, who once knew better words
    Now only use four-letter words
    Writing prose
    Anything goes



    Lovely Banks Lilacs (1144) v Waikikamoocow Incorrigibles (1400)

    Bob Dylan would have loved the match up of emerging pretender against establishment old fart. Actually, he loved the theme so much that early in his career he penned: “The Times They Are A’Changing.” Dylan was (socially) aware right from his folk singer days and even after he went electric (the “Judas” jeer and the “you’re a liar” rejoinder). Pointing out injustices has made for great, memorable music. From the obvious (Hurricane) to the arcane (Idiot Wind) it has been a hell of a ride (apart from the motor bike accident) for a kid christened Robert Allen Zimmerman. Sadly for Jen, the establishment won this time. Sometimes it happens. I’m sure Bob would have penned a cracker around an unfortunate injury to “Ruck Jesus.” Shoutouts to Stewart, Wright and Parish for the home side. Nice to see Dunkley and Bailey finding form for the visitors.
     
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  2. anthak

    anthak Moderator Staff Member

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    Loved every sentence of this review. It had me captivated and loling from start to finish!
    @melbandy clearing tables in the Tiki Bar had me in stiches lol

    Im not sure if @churchboy was concentrating on getting the consecutive win, or not, but Im glad the "once mighty" sledge didnt go unnoticed :D
     
  3. Bandit

    Bandit Moderator Staff Member

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    Great review my friend… indeed I did not have enough mass

    was Albert at Stamford Bridge this weekend?
     
  4. HeavyMen

    HeavyMen Well-Known Member

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    Hmmm….not as consistent as I would like going LWL
    Hard for me to keep on that consistent annoying high we all love.
    Graeme …… no doubt you are a great bloke but writing up an Uglies loss …… not your finest achievement
    Next ! :p
     
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  5. snoz

    snoz Well-Known Member

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    Bravo my friend - wonderful write up and I only had to look up about 15-20 words and/or points of reference!! Some fine penmanship this year to date. You all get pen licenses !!
     
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  6. graeme

    graeme Well-Known Member

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    ? You got me; probably missing something obvious like nobody from CFC turned up after half-time.
     
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  7. chris88

    chris88 1000 Monkeys at 1000 Typewriters Staff Member

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    Lovely write-up Graeme.

    That'll teach me for having a functioning forward line.
    I could trade away these draft picks - it would however mean I'd have to get some more. I am however more than happy to trade for Xerri (one of five guys I'd earmarked in this most recent draft that were snaffled just before I had a pick) to ease the Lefties' concerns.
     
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  8. That KI Guy

    That KI Guy Moderator Staff Member

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    Epic write up there @graeme.
    Good thing Jamie was doing the bitching and whining, saved me doing it.
     
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  9. Len

    Len Cockburn Knightrider Staff Member

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  10. CursingFijian

    CursingFijian Member

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    When you cut your teeth supporting the Fiji Rugby Team as a kid, romance is an essential mental health tool!
     
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  11. graeme

    graeme Well-Known Member

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    Ah, but the sevens team - they were very good. And still are!
     
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  12. churchboy

    churchboy Member

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    BOOOO anthak. That's probably the best sledge I can come up with. Ill work on it
     
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  13. graeme

    graeme Well-Known Member

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    The sledge deserved a retort of at least a "get stuffed ant" if not a "get royally stuffed ant" @churchboy Get retaliation in early or not at all
     
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  14. JC

    JC Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the entertaining read, @graeme . :)
     
  15. churchboy

    churchboy Member

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    hahahaha this is noted...
     
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  16. TerryinBangkok

    TerryinBangkok Moderator Staff Member

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    I don't know what everyone is going on about? I expected nothing less.
     
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