For those who take it way too seriously

Round 9 2017 review – The Science of the ORFFA round 9 fixture

Charlies Opening Spelunkers 978 def by Foul Bay Chickens 1425

Many have speculated that the Troggs failed to show up for this one. This is totally fake news.
The truth is that cave-dwellers have not been sighted since October. More disappointing than an incarcerated 14yr old, step child, the crew from the deep south have alienated all but their dumbest of fans. The merchandising dept can probably shoulder some of the blame for the disharmony, with their evocative branding of their “mini-rebuild”. Must confess that “Follow us into the Darkness” doesn’t inspire unity. Anyway, this all smells of pathological deflection disorder and won’t win me any friends.

This match had everything we’ve come to expect from the Chooks. Bernie eating, then throwing up karma pie. The Dangerwood rollercoaster coastering. Mummy trying his hardest to suck us all in, before handing the keys to Flynn in 3 weeks. And of course, Eddie kicking GOTY for the 9th week in a row. Shining light for the Opening is that Zerrett is still alive, a rare attribute.

Iron Knob Codpieces 1026 def Whitsunday Warriors 1013

Man, we all love a low scoring slog-fest don’t we?
The deafening silence punctuated by snoz rubbing his legs together, echoed the sentiments of the turnstiles in the Rusty Triangle. This display epitomised the scientific genius that is the ORFFA round 9 fixture, as these perfectly matched/obliterated sides pummelled each other with jelly-filled donuts.
The Warriors put up some cameos and won the triple figure shoot out courtesy of Jezza, Tarrant and Smithy but were overshadowed by the Roberton Revue. The result sees the Cods unconvincingly stumble to 4 on the trot, while TiB patches yet more wounds and prays for a ruckman to emerge from his tequila worm.

Darraweit Guim Dirigibles 1188 def Lovely Banks Lilacs 786

And they say spousal poisoning is a dying art.
No doubt this...
Looks like Brodie is going to get a call up this week! Beautiful timing!

Geelong Cats v Port Adelaide

Thursday May 25 at Simonds Stadium (7.20pm)


B: Tom Stewart, Lachie Henderson, Jed Bews

HB: Zach Tuohy, Andrew Mackie, Mark Blicavs

C: Scott Selwood, Joel Selwood, Cameron Guthrie

HF: Jordan Murdoch, Harry Taylor, James Parsons

F: Dan Menzel, Tom Hawkins, Steven Motlop

R: Zac Smith, Patrick Dangerfield, Mitch Duncan

I/C: J Cunico, Jake Kolodjashnij, Darcy Lang, Sam Menegola

EMG: Rhys Stanley, Tom Ruggles, Mark O’Connor

IN: Cameron Guthrie, Darcy Lang, Jordan Cunico

OUT: Tom Lonergan (managed), Nakia Cockatoo (hamstring), Mark O’Connor (omitted)


B: Darcy Byrne-Jones, Tom Clurey, Jack Hombsch

HB: Matthew Broadbent, Tom Jonas, Jasper Pittard

C: Brad Ebert, Ollie Wines, Jared Polec

HF: Jarman Impey, Justin Westhoff, Aaron Young

F: Sam Gray, Charlie Dixon, Jackson Trengove

R: Paddy Ryder, Robbie Gray, Travis Boak

I/C: Sam Powell-Pepper, Hamish Hartlett, Karl Amun, Brendon Ah Chee

EMG: Jimmy Toumpas, Aidyn Johnson, Dan Houston

IN: Aaron Young

OUT: Chad Wingard (calf)

Sydney Swans v Hawthorn

Friday May 26 at the SCG (7.50pm)


B: Dane Rampe, Heath Grundy, Nick Smith

HB: Zak Jones, Lewis Melican, Callum Mills

C: Jake Lloyd, Josh P. Kennedy, Isaac Heeney

HF: George Hewett, Lance Franklin, Will Hayward

F: Tom Papley, Kurt Tippett, Sam Reid

FOL: Callum Sinclair, Luke Parker, Dan Hannebery

I/C: Oliver Florent, Nic Newman, Gary Rohan, Dean Towers

EMG: Aliir Aliir, Jordan Dawson, Harry Marsh

IN: Oliver Florent

OUT: Harry Cunningham


B: Blake Hardwick, Josh Gibson, Shaun Burgoyne

HB: Taylor Duryea, Ryan Burton, Ricky Henderson

C: Isaac Smith, Luke Hodge, Liam Shiels

HF: Luke Breust, Paul Puopolo, Dallas Willsmore

F: Ty Vickery, Jarryd Roughead, Jack Gunston

FOL: Ben McEvoy, Tom Mitchell, Daniel Howe

I/C: Kaiden Brand, James Cousins, Brendan Whitecross, James Sicily

EMG: Kade Stewart, Kurt Heatherley, Will...
So, I broke 2200 this week, for the first time in ages. Still looks under par though!

Big scores from certain captain options looks to have secured big scores all round!

Still will be interesting to see which way I've gone. How'd you all go this week?
Don't forget, there's no Suns or Power this week.

Or Rocky or Boyd or Libba or Butler or any rookies to speak of! Rough times.

Treloar and Beams are back though- woo!

Teams over the break
Man, this has been a rough year, between the rookies and various premiums kicking our asses along the way, it's been tough to put up a good score.

I wonder if this year actually was the year for mid-priced madness? Would love to hear from anyone that was that way inclined?

Anyways, I'm looking to crack about a 2150, which from looking around the place is a little above par, but nothing special.

Also, how about international football? Reckon it worked? Enjoyable as a diversion? Hit us up in the poll!
So, international round! A couple of ouchy outs in Treloar and Houston, with the latter being escorted to the slaughter house as I type.

Teams over the break!
This week's round sees the same matchups as Round 12 in 2016

teams currently in the ORFFF top 8 in bold

Neptune Island Noahs (6-1) vs Jan Juc Ducks (4-3) - 2nd vs 6th on the table and doubling up as 3rd place in the ORFF* knockout and 2018 ORFF* Champions League qualifier
Useless Loop Virgins (6-1) vs Walpole Woylies (4-3) - The first of this weeks derbies sees the big improver Walpole take on a Virgins side which is is flying under the radar and will pretty much wrap up a top 4 spot if they can move to 7-1.

Macquarie Island Whales (4-3)
vs Nangkita Bucks (4-3) - Both these sides lost last week and will need to win this match to remain in the 8, while last time they played the margin was a heart-stopping 7 points (5th closest in ORFFF history) in a 1139-1132 slugfest, Mac Island achieving the 8th lowest winning score in ORFFF history.

Cockburn Avengers (2-5) vs Mt Thirsty Boozers (5-2) - Cockburn are now on a 4 game losing streak for the second time in their club history as they sit 13th. Coach @Len will no doubt point out that last time the team were at this low ebb they then responded with a huge form turnaround to narrowly miss the ORFFF top 4 in 2016. I am expecting a fightback but Mt Thirsty will start strong favourites.

Rutherglen Fugitives (6-1) vs Mole Creek Glow-Worms (0-7) - Stef Martin up against his old side. Rutherglen could quite possibly play their 2nds and still win this one. Chalk up #9 in a row for the Glow-Worms while the Fugitives take on Nuytsland in the ORFF* knockout Big Dance looking to secure the club's first ever silverware.

Heard Island Shags (3-4) vs Drouin Dropbears (3-4) - The 4 teams on 3 wins clash this week with the battle deep in the Southern Ocean the first such. Drouin...
Rutherglen smashed Neptune Island and Nuytsland eased past Jan Juc to set up a clash of the current ORFFF and ORFFU ladder leaders in the Grand Final.

Home/Away/Team Records and Points Scored in 2017

Match 63 - aka the Big Dance
Rutherglen Fugitives ORFFF (6-1, 9567) @tyze1 vs Nuytsland Vikings ORFFU (5-2, 9390)
- FF sides hold a 5-4 Head To Head record against the FU, which the Vikings can square at 5-5 and take the H2H on countback if they are good enough to take out the title
- Rutherglen finished a very, very, very unlucky 9th in their debut ORFFF season in 2016 folowing a staggering amount of losses by under 50, they recruited strongly trading youth and draft picks for established SC guns and after a Round 1 disaster scoring 1180 points the Fugs have notched 6 league wins on the trot at an average of 1406 pts while winning 5 knockout games on the side
- Unrecognisable from the rabble who won 6 games combined in 2014 and 2015 Nuytsland are poised to become a powerhouse of the ORFFU in 2017 and @bryzza has a side capable of bringing the Fugitives to justice and showing all fantasy coaches that their rebuild dreams can come true
- its #1 vs #3 on point scored in 2017 standings across the 70 ORFF* teams, so sit back and be prepared to be entertained by a titanic Grand Final clash
- good luck to both the coaches, their players and of course the fans and sponsors of the 2 participating clubs

How they got here - Rutherglen
Rd 3 - Rutherglen Fugitives ORFFF 1376 def Warburton Wanderers ORFFL 1244 (132 points)
Rd 4 - Venus Bay Vultures ORFFA 1352 def by Rutherglen Fugitives ORFFF 1472 (120 points)
Rd 5 - Foul Bay Chickens ORFFA 1314 def...
Proudly penned by graeme.

Round 7 – aka the Walesy Appreciation Round, you rock Chief

The FIXture Committee served up some fine match ups – in particular the under rated Whitsunday Warriors hosting the second placed Cradle Mountain Devils, and recent winners, the Nunawading Nuffers, against the so called easy beats, the Larrikin Lagoon Lefties. Tasty fare indeed, especially as the latter game could have been subtitled “the nascent” v “the subjugated” (did I mention you might need a dictionary to follow what follows.)

In the reviews that follow your scribe has affixed an * to the team he predicted to win. To put this into perspective as a multi bet the nine favourites in the afl this week were offering a payout of $12.34 for a $1 bet. I have it on good authority that for ORFFA members ChiefBet™ would have offered slightly better odds. The ** denotes what I thought would be the upset, if there were to be one, by the rapidly improving, and far better looking, Packers.

So what happened? In the physical games upsets abounded – CR’s grin was visible across the Tasman. Was it the same in our synthetic games?

Charlies Opening Spelunkers (1091) v Venus Bay Vultures* (1022)

a doddle, a walk in the park, a cruise, a …; insert your own apothegm here. Fizzy has developed a keen sense of satire as evidenced by this post: “Bit unlucky/silly from me, remembered I had Beams in the midfield even though he was out, but wasn't online at the time and figured I had O'Meara emergency anyway... now hearing that O'Meara is very likely to be a late out today, here's hoping a donut doesn't cost me a win.” Unfortunately, it was pair of donuts with Jobe also out. Have we seen the first weakness in the favourite for the title? Or was “the kid” subtly tanking for a better MSD slot?

That after Docherty (103), Yeo (125) but before – well not much . The undergrounders...
Got the fright of my life this week, just after lockout, I got a call from a mate asking me if I knew that Port and the Suns had a bye this week.

Now, I *knew* that they didn't, but in that moment, my heart sunk. What, how could I have missed that I wondered? I'm gunna be swimming in donuts I

Anyways, it didn't take too long to cotton onto the fact that I was being wound up, but it did get me to thinking- with all the rookies missing thus far, it might be tough.

Thankfully, Nank should be back by then to cover for Witts/Butler, but with 4 trades remaining between now and then, it's probably time to consider your plans- then the actual byes behind them!

Anyways, onto this week. I actually had a good one this week, with a 2160. About 100 above par I reckon.

Captain Rocky lead the way beautifully with his 148, and some stud performances from Hanners, Witts and Yeo rounded it out. Thinking though that it might just about be time to cut WHE. He's made some good dollars, but his roller coaster ride is getting awful close to de-railing I reckon!

How'd you all go?