ROUND 8 – The Spud Round by jimbowan (it will make you hungry for more than Supercoach)
The great Allan Jeans famously compared footballers to sausages - "You can fry them, grill them, bake them ... but they're still footballers. And while we don't condone the frying, baking or grilling of footballers here in the ORFFA, we do condone the baking of spuds. Especially those fantasy football spuds who score abysmally and cost us our weekly match-up. They definitely deserve a good bake.
Normally when the spud round comes around, we stare off dreamily into the Supercoach past and remember the not so lofty accomplishments of players like the Relton Roberts of the ORFFA. But this year looking to dull things down a bit Iv’e decided to focus on actual spuds. How can you not after reading the above quote? It makes me hungry! Did you know there are over 4000 varieties of potatoes?! Amazing Ha? I know you are all amazed, and with that I offer you the strangest round review ever.
Venus Bay Vultures (1198) sliced by (1309) Whitsunday Warriors
When I think of Fitzy I cannot help but think of him as a German Butterball Potato- irresistible flavour and very good yields (which have translated over to supercoach)
Of course, Terry just screams “I am a Purple Congo Potato” Even though one could argue Thailand and the Congo aren’t actually that close topographically. But it’s got a real feral and dangerous undertone, and Terry being a Port supporter is an ideal fit!
Game Recap – The WSW power triplet of Callum Brown, Jarrod Lienert and Rory Lobb were enough to overcome the poor showing from the VBV forward line and the aforementioned Lobb gave Stefan Martin an absolute bath in the ruck to the tune of 128v66
Spuds – (VBV) Beams (0) Entire Forward Line (47-64) Martin (66) -V- (WSW) Cameron (29) JJK (56)
Yummy Hot Wedges – (VBV) Houston (125) Gaff (109) Yeo (115) Higgins (114) Parker (114) -V- (WSW) Suckling (100) LIenert!! (123) Harmes (119) Lobb (128) Callum Brown (126)
What do you call a potato that watches football? – A spec tator!
Larrikin Lagoon Lefties (965) boiled by (987) Wineglass Bay Packers
That KI Guy or the Harmony Potato, always one to smooth things over to keep the peace and supposedly excellent for mashing, boiling and wedges with a bit of sour cream and sweet chilli sauce.
The lovely Tracey would be akin to a glorious Moonlight Potato – creamed skin with white flesh – a delight to the eye and the stomach! Was that a bit creepy? Any way moving on to the game.
Game Recap – These two ORFFA juggernauts both came up short of the 1000 this week but fans would have been jolted from their slumber to the miraculous SINGLE TON in the entire game from Luke Dunstan! Woot! zzzzzz
Spuds – EVERYONE not Luke Dunstan but special call out to the ruck battle of the century between (LLL) Harry ‘tato’ Perryman (0)* v (WBP) Jack ‘tater’ Lukosius (15)*
Creamy Smooth Mash – (LLL) zilch. Nada. No one. (WBP) Luke “Creamy Smooth Mash” Dunstan (105)
Gariwerd Cockatoos (1312) mashed (1027) Charlies Opening Spelunkers
Our good friend Ant, or should we call him the Pink Eye Potato? Will really make you regret borrowing his pillow during band camp.
Bandit is dead ringer for a Red Rascal potato even though we have no photographic proof he is in fact as red as is rumoured. There is no doubt to his rascally behaviour though with a nick name like Bandito.
Game Recap – Bit of a one sided mashing this one with 8 tons on the Cockies side obliterating the contributions of Z.Merrett and the Bont.
Spuds – (GWC) Matt Crouch (54) Ratugolea (24) -V- (COS) The backline (40-72) Todd Marshall (30)
KFC Chips with chicken salt – (GWC) Hurn (107) Houli (106) JPK (116) N.Jones (111) Bellchambers (107) Lambert (112) Laird (100) Rocky (122) -V- (COS) Merrett (129) Bont (99)
Why did the potato cross the road? – He saw a fork up ahead
Gundagai Grasshoppers (1361) chopped (1069) Mount Beauty Uglies
We all enjoyed it a lot more when Snoz AKA “The Atlantic Potato” was on the bottom of the ladder (3 peat wooden spoon – haven’t mentioned that in a while)
Up on the highest cliffs of Mount Beauty if you look close enough one can be lucky enough to find the rare Inca Gold growing, normally close by Bama will be climbing (or falling) the mountain (ladder) at any given time.
Game Recap – Grundy won the ruck battle v Gawn in a battle of the giants and Oliver went off his frickin nut to post a 175 with Cripps and Neale doing what they do best, scoring tons.
Spuds – (GG) Stringer (45) -V- (MBU) Henry (49) Rioli (0)
French Fries with Tomato Sauce (not Mayo, god no!) – (GG) Neale (114) Cripps (120) Oliver (175) Grundy (141) -V- (MBU) Salem (122) Ellis (112) Sidey (100) Gawn (109)
Foul Bay Chickens (1434) diced (997) Waikikamoocow Incorrigibles
The Chief Chicken if he was a spud would be none other than the mighty King Edward and of course with great growing potential and yield in the late season he is always numerous and around at the pointy end of the year for finals.
Meanwhile Lord Graeme or as his servants know him as “The Royal Blue” Is not at all recommended for Salads or Frying, which is handy to know if bringing around a Pinot.
Game Recap – Nothing to see here, move along. Geelong won by 437 points and Tim Kelly had the ball on a string as the Cats sent Selwood to the shop for more beer before the game they were so confident. Shaw also turned back the clock to rip out 144. Waikikamoocow had so many spuds of epic spudness that they will be quitting footy and opening a fish n chip shop.
Spuds – (FBC) no one really -V- (WI) Burton (6) Hibberd (44) Ross (15) Papley (52) McLean (33) Menegola (0)
Cheesy Potato Bake with Bacon and those little bits of chives – (FBC) Howard (103) Shaw (144) CEY (107) Shiels (100) McEvoy (102) The entire Geelong Forward Line of Kelly (162) Hawkins (100) Danger (99) -V- (WI) Fyfe is Life (133) Dunkley (136) Robinson (119) B. Crouch (99)
What do you call a potato after its been sliced? - Chip
Cradle Mountain Devils (1275) fried (1086) Birdsvile Battlers
DMAndrews always struck me as a Eureka Potato- Excellent Early and Late season availability but can’t find stuff all of them during the middle rounds which can make it frustrating to make Potato Gems in September.
JC, or how he is properly known as The Toolangi Delight (I think this is my favourite!) is a versatile all-rounder who serves up as a mean and fluffy gnocchi, to be served alongside some serious Supercoach banter and a good Shiraz.
Game Recap – 5 tons from the Devils were enough to fry the Battlers who only got contributions of note from Treloar and Hunter. DMA stuffed my ‘eureka potato’ quip where it belongs to show he can win middle round games and the Devils are sitting pretty at 7-1
Spuds – (CMD) Nankervis (32) Gresham (45) -V- (BB) Battle (57) Moore (23) McKay (44) Cerra (54)
Deep Fried Potato Gems – (CMD) Rich (101) Hurley (105) Zorko (114) T.Lynch (111) Heppell (115) -V- (BB) Treloar (109) Hunter (113)
Lovely Banks Lilacs (1309) stewed (1042) Nareewillock Nuffers
The Beautiful Jen would be no other than the charming Purple Majesty Potato (side note - what’s up with all the royal potatoes? Were Kings all keen to get potatoes named after them? I don’t follow) because lilac is basically purple and Jen is basically the ORFFA Queen.
Whereas The TassieHawk, or known by his nom de plume the Golden Delight should be avoided when mashing as he can come across a bit starchy and lose his fluff. Coaches take note.
Game Recap – Only the 1 scalloped potato with cheese from the Nuffers wasn’t enough to overcome four big 120+ tons from Jen’s Purple Potatoes. The six team logjam between 4 and 9 on the ladder is interesting to date and we shall see who breaks free to lock in their finals aspirations in coming weeks.
Spuds – (LBL) Langdon (39) The Hoff (41) Wright (49) -V- (NN) Broadbent (52) Guelfi (53) Petrucelle (31)* Cameron (38) Dow (56)
Crock Pot Scalloped Potatoes with Grilled Cheese - (LBL) Trengove (124) Duncan (124) Lloyd (122) Bolton (126) Ryan (104) -V- (NN) Cunningham (108)
Iron Knob Codpieces (1244) peeled (1045) Nowhere Else Wanderers
The Mighty Iron Knob surely must be the most phallic of the potato world? Let me introduce you to the Purple French Fingerling which looks funny enough like a purple knob. (Joke – what do you call a phallic shaped potato? A Dic tator – ha!)
Dave H is new to the gang but that won’t save him from being compared to the Black Russian Potato - Dave is a pretty sounding Russian name for starters … and I’m running short of funny spud names so get stuffed! The Black Russian is quite nice sautéed with a fine NZ Savvy and some blue cheese.
Game Recap – On paper Dave must be pretty disappointed with his lads they really should have done in the knobs this week but too many on field spuds meant his hash browns were few and far between and a bit burned on the edges.
Spuds – (IK) Harbrow (49) Hodge (49) -V- (NEW) Aliir Squared (45) Atkins (12) Caddy (51)* Newnes (55) Ballard (33)
Heavenly Hash Browns – (IK) Macrae (135) Shuey (113) Gooey De Goey (114) Hendo (120) -V- (NEW) Savage (104) Ben Brown (106)
Wagga Wagga Wombats (1235) grated by (1338) Marble Bay Misfits
Lenny120 (who puts numbers in their nick name? seriously?) must therefore be the Red Oblong Potato, Lenny is quite oblong shaped and that was the main reason I went with it, and I wanted to work the word Oblong into the review a few times.
Last and definitely maybe quote possibly least our dear friend Len, or should we finally oust his secret identity as the Purple Viking? Last seen pillaging up and down the Supercoach leader board with his tribe of purple Misfits.
Game Recap - This game was a cracker with the oblong footy giving both teams a few bad bounces, but it was the epic output from the Misfits midfield that got them over the line. The Misfits solidify there position in 2nd place and the top of the ladder has turned into a 3 team race.
Spuds – (WW) Langdon (50) Roughead (58) -V- (MBM) Haynes (54) DeBoer (42)
Crispy Bacon Stuffed Baked Oblong Shaped Potatoes – (WW) Sicily (105) Swallow (116) Lycett (104) Cripps (114) -V- (MBM) Weller (106) Sloane (138) Kelly (154) Taranto (104) Mundy (112)