Welcome New Coaches Round
New kids get the initiation treatment as pc values get throw out the window. In a time honoured tradition, newbies open their season by getting tarred, corn-flaked and lightly fried in hot oil before being sent to the most inhospitable place to play their match up. Hope you enjoyed breezy Groote Eylandt this week boys.
Gariwerd Cockatoos 1254 def Whitsunday Warriors 1016
A completely one-sided argument on paper, played out as expected with the Cockies gnawing the Warriors a new one. TiB won the donut parade prize despite Ant giving it a crack himself.
Tons from Rocky, Crouch, Laird, Houli and Shagga left the visitors with the afterglow of a drunken late-night slapping. Andrews, Boaky and Harmes dug in early, but the Warriors had too many holes to plug. Further insult for the Warriors as Ainsworth books a 6 week holiday.
Gundagai Grasshoppers 1247 def Larrikin Lagoon Lefties 1118
“All aboard the karma bus, first stop, Shit in my best hat Hotel”!
cackled some drug-addled Lefties supporter at halftime.
The cocky insects showed their dyslexia early as they interpreted the fixture to read Hoppers vs bye. Unfortunately, amid the confusion, Rance tripped over a bumbling Snoz, whilst rummaging, Mr Magoo-style, for his glasses at half back flank. The audible gasp across the nation seemed to suck the lifeblood from Charlie Curnow as he slipped into a deep slumber of Elm St proportions.
With the all enthusiasm and focus of a twitter troll, the Lefties gained the upper hand for a good twenty minutes as Worpel and Brayshaw danced the Boogaloo. Hoppers rallied late in the third with all the hallmarks of an ill-prepared holiday as Mathieson Nealed on his Suitcase (tune out now if that failed to meet your lofty expectations of humour). As we all know, you can’t win footy on karma alone. Hoppers take an unconvincing win.
Foul Bay Chickens 1334 def Venus Bay Vultures 1311
Match of the round as two heavyweights muscled it out at Chook Park. A rock-solid Vulture defence tried valiantly to keep the 4 hooped forward circus at bay but the resistance was futile. Some inspired bench selections kept the visitors in the game, as Fiorini top scored and McCarthy (of the Abe variety) chimed in as replacements. A good team performance but a little underdone the Vultures seem. Chooks take this one with Saad, and the dynamic ruck duo starring.
Cradle Mountain Devils 1333 def Wineglass Bay Packers 830
And in the space of 45 minutes, the Packers consolidate their grip on the spoon. Three donuts and a fist full of fifties is not the headline anyone wants to hear (unless you’re successfully robbing a Crispy Crème), but the Packers did head into this Tassie shoot out with one arm tied behind their backs.
No mercy given by the home side as the Devils tore the Wineglass carcass apart with surgical precision. Zorko recovered from an early Hewett tag to dominate in the second half accompanied by Steele and Nank in the guts. Not complete and utter doom for the Packers with their midfield showing good signs and certainly held their own among many other ORFFA on-ball contingents over the weekend.
Lovely Banks Lilacs Charlies 1268 def Opening Spelunkers 1098
There appears to be a bit of residual loopiness around these parts, though I don’t think its changed the course of history this round. The Haze notched up a satisfying win with a fantastic spread across the board. The Hoff was instrumental as he led a merry jig around an inexperienced Trogg defence. The Bont tried to hose down the parade but it backfired famously turning into a Prince-inspired deluge. One hopes this was just a warm up to blow out the cobwebs for the Cavemen as they look to their bevvy of 2, 3- and 4-year kids to up the ante.
Iron Knob Codpieces 1201 def Mount Beauty Uglies 1042
“Age will not weary them” has replaced “Balls of Steel” as the Codpiece battle cry as the elder statesmen continue to fill the team and the stat sheet. Mind you, with the seed of loss, firmly planted and taking root in the Uglies coaching box, a dispirited visiting side was inevitable. Salem played a lone hand in defence as his Demon counterparts fluffed around like a Prelim hangover. On the other side of the ledger, tons from Macrae, Shuey and Stanley puttied over a sporadic Knob forward line. Many expect a better showing from the Uglies this season, but this start has supporters prophesizing that The Mount might become infamous for housing the prettiest ghost ship on Earth.
Wagga Wagga Wombats 1159 def by Waikikamoocow Incorrigibles 1290
How much fur could a fit Fyfe throw, if a fit Fyfe could fight foes?
Said every electronic interchange message board, prompting a chorus of tongue twisting chants across Wombat Arena. Yes the Majestic Cow was once again on show, and all were dazzled by its brilliance. Especially his team mates. Bailey Williams was escorted from the ground in the second quarter with strained jaw, as mandibular agape-ness swept over many unsuspecting humans. However, a one man band these Cows ain’t, as their forward craft too, was well drilled and executed. A mixed bag of agony and ecstasy for the home side, with Sicily and Shiel keeping their noses clean while Fantasia and Crozier sharted in the burrow. A concerning knee injury for Swallow added to this tale of marsupial woe.
Marble Bar Misfits 1301 def Birdsville Battlers 1164
Ok, this knee injury bullshit get in the bin! Three ACLs in one round is just pure evil. With an already lean defence, the Battlers will be starting to wade through the free agent list as the MSD can’t come soon enough. Misfits continued where they finished off last year with some commanding performances across all lines. New recruit Sloane caused some major headaches while what’s left of the orange tint contributed nicely. Not a demoralising defeat for the Battlers as the midfield shone brightly thanks to Sheed et al. However, Coach JC will be hoping for a return of some fringe guys in Thurlow, Taylor, Cutler, Ronke and Acres to get the deck chair shuffle right. For the home side, the likes of Ryder, Kelly, Haynes and Brodie might be lucky enough to feature on the selection chocolate wheel this week.
Nowhere Else Wanderers 1220 def Nareewillock Nuffers 969
With the faint aroma of schnitty in the air, a cast of thousands swarmed to Nowhere in particular, to witness two newbies slap each other with rolled up tea towels. Unfortunately, the Nuffers only brought hankies which were barely useful to soak up the tears from a 3-figure score. The Wandererererers have inherited a half decent tribe and recruited some handy kids to round out their squad. 1200+ is not too shabby from 13.5 able bodies. Hats of to Cogs for a stellar performance, and props to former coach Chris in wrestling him from me all those years ago for SFA. The rebuilding Nuffers had some positives to draw upon, but Burgess in the ruck wasn’t one of them. Nor was Tucker, mooning everyone from the sidelines. Chuck Cameron did some nice things and Brad Hill not only showed up but unbelievably tonned up.
Welcome to the sideshow Dave and Greg!