In the real world, doughnuts, in all their circular perfection, are what we all really want when we want to have a cheat day. Sure, we can fool ourselves into thinking that a green smoothie is good for you, but we all know in our heart of hearts that the equation for a perfect day off the rails must include at least one of these light, pillowy-soft treats. No feeling can compare to licking the glaze off your fingers after just finishing a doughnut and sitting back to finish your cup of coffee.
In the ORFFA world, a doughnut is the bane of our existence. A late team change, which leads to a doughnut is the source of much frustration for the impacted coach, and a source of mirth for the other seventeen coaches in the competition, especially if the impacted coach is a) towards the top of the tree or b) has been a little over zealous with the sledging in the previous weeks. Whilst a late withdrawl is something that can strike fear into most adolescent relationships, we are talking about something different today... late outs to listed teams, caused by coaches such as Ross from the Purple Haze, and the havoc they play to our nominated ORFFA teams. This week in the ORFFA, we celebrated (?!?!) late withdrawal round, with a number of surprise results, and a new ladder leader at the end of the weekend. Read on below….
Lovely Banks Lilacs 1142 defeated by Whitsunday Warriors 1293
Warriors avoid the hattrick of losses on the trot to get the season back on track, taking out one of the biggest threats to their top 8 spot in the process. Five tons for @TerryinBangkok ‘s crew including a 160 from Robbie Tarrant was enough to get the job done, but a 7 from JJK and a 48 from Johannisen shows that there is plenty of room for improvement. For @Jen ‘s beloved Lilacs seven scores over 90 show the team is not as brittle as Darcy Moore’s hamstrings, which again went twang leaving him with a shitty 13, and a lengthy stint on the sidelines. Shai Bolton looks to be a find. Finals going to be hard for the Haze from here.
Iron Knob Codpieces 1351 defeated Cradle Mountain Devils 1328
How many doughnuts can you thread onto a codpiece? Could you play quoits? Doughnuts are something that Iron Knob certainly don’t have an issue with, as the Codpieces comfortably deal with one of the flag favourites. What's comfortable about a 23 point victory I hear you ask? @jimbowan had seven players ton up, but in an ominous show of strength left 220 points on his bench who would have outscored their on field equivalents. @dmandrews was let down by an injury to Hurley (32), who on a normal day would have dragged the Devils over the line. In a strange twist of events, Cradle Mountain lose, yet climb to the top of the ladder
Wagga Wagga Wombats 1031 defeated by the Foul Bay Chooks 1260
@Lenny120 ‘s marsupials lose an important one, now leaving them two games out of the eight. Curnow (117) & Smith (98) were offset by the truly potato like efforts of Cripps (9) and Roughead (27). The Chooks make it 10 wins in a row, even with Cunnington (54) and Shaw (20) well held. With the best points for total in the comp, you would be a fool to write ChiefBet off (I know you are trying to fly under the radar cobalt man… but I’m watching you)
Marble Bar Misfits 1200 defeated by the Gundagai Grasshoppers 1275
@Len was caught with hot jam running down the front of his shirt as @snoz ‘s mob took care of business. Don’t you know you always bite into the hole side Len? Hayward (18) and Brodie (19) were shit, and there were a few other passengers in what was an off day for the reigning premiers. The Hoppers got over the late out of Samsonite McCluggage to beat the Misfits with only 14 players. What sort of bounty would Grundy net in an end of season auction right now? It would be more than a packet of BBQ shapes, I reckon it’s gotta be at least a mixed dozen from Krispy Kreme.
Nowhere Else Wanderers 1095 defeated by Gariwerd Cockatoos 1220
If you have a seniors card you can get a free coffee with a purchase of a doughnut at Donut King. One could forgive @anthak for getting the team to line up at store opening in some Spelunker like tanking at this point in the season, but the zimmer frames and mobility scooters fired this week. @DaveH ‘s Wanderers are absolutely off with the fairies right now, although Parker being a late out for Sideshow Bob Ben Brown to come off the emergency list with a lazy 143 was a stroke of genius. Four guys scoring under 50 is always going to make it hard to get a W though.
Nareewillock Nuffers 940 defeated by the LARRIKIN LAGOON LEFTIES 1002
There was wall to wall custard cream in the changerooms as the Lefties notch their second win of the season against the Nuffers. When you look into the detail however, it is not an advertisement for our beautiful game. Only 5 tons from the 29 players that took the field, and with Duuuuuuuuuursma a late out for @TheTassieHawk and the rest of the Port Adelaide contingent leaving quite a stench wherever they went, it is fair that Mike should get some good news whilst on holiday. The fact that three ex-Spelunkers scored 25% of the Nuffers scores say a bit. As for @That KI Guy ex-Spelunker Lonie (33) stayed true to form, but the rest of the team didn’t get the brief. Lefties rocket up to 16th.
Birdsville Battlers 1245 defeat Venus Bay Vultures 1164
At 2/1 clear favourites at the start of the year, @Fitzy ‘s Vultures were almost as good a thing as a hot cinnamon doughnut straight out of the fryer. After this weekends loss, they are now two games out of 4th, and only a game out of 9th… which is where @JC ‘s team have jumped up to. Hunter (156!), Treloar and Witts all went apeshit (or is that birdshit) for the Battlers, with Acres stinking it right up. The Vultures had more tons (Crisp, Yeo, Kreuzer, Greene and McCarthy), but no emergency in defence left a doughnut with the out of Houston, Mason Wood’s out in the forward line bought Carlisle’s 29 into play and Curtis Taylor didn’t even get out of the team bus with his 9. All is not well at Pippie Beach… coach rumoured to be looking forward to cricket season already.
Waikikamoocow Incorrigibles 1418 defeated Wineglass Bay Packers 1169
It was sommeliers at ten paces, but the cows make it three wins in a row with the round high total against @Tracey ‘s Packers. The Packers score would have knocked off seven other teams this week, but that all matters for nothing at the end of the day. @graeme ‘s love child Burton (41) pulled a hammy and is rumoured to be gone for the rest of the Cows season however Dunkley served up a massive portion of Get Stuffed with his 202 and Fyfe (154), Newman (147), Pig Shooter (127), Meatball Prestia (104) and BCrouch (103) also tonned up. The Packers kids are alright (see what I did there), and will be ready to give the Spelunkers an arse kicking of mammoth proportions next week. McKenna, Dunstan, Hewett and Lynch can hold their heads high.
Mount Beauty Uglies 1358 defeated Charlie’s Opening Cavemen 1072
@HeavyMen cleaned out the bar, drank the hot dog water out of the bain-marie and then stuffed 15 pineapple doughnuts down before the first bounce. @bama ‘s men came out and went BANG!, only needing 14 players to deal with the hapless Spelunkers. Even Dusty (62) could sit back with a couple of Jiffy’s after half time whilst Ellis, Sidebum, Cotch, Viney, The People’s Beard, Petracca, Zurhaaaaaaaar and Walsh all hit tons. For my pile of crap, Atkins finally did something (126), The Bont and Zerrett do what they do and Lachlan Murphy is starting to show some signs. Tarryn Thomas, Nick Blakey, Ollie Florent, Andrew Brayshaw, all serviceable in the reserves.