Nunawading Nuffers 841 def by Charlies Opening Spelunkers 1279
A woeful scene at Nuffer Park as the home side served up possibly their worst attempt for the season. Coach Andy couldn’t have painted a worse picture even if he tried as a still life of 3 donuts and a bevy of tubers was left out on display.
The power affiliates in Ebert and Dixon held their own but were largely over-shadowed by the Zerrett and Bont show. This dead rubber left both coaches with plenty to ponder (and then quickly forget) as form and consistency were bleakly dismissed.
Gundagai Grasshoppers 1010 def by Venus Bay Vultures 1239
If it weren’t for the hoard of instagram selfies posted on the Gundagai Hospital website, one might ponder that sNoZ had put the cue in the rack and run with auto fill for the last few weeks. Unfortunately, a horror injury run, has this early season contender praying he can drain the last morsels out of “Ex-pat Obama-care” before his entire team is trumped into the turf. The Vultures were far from their ravenous selves as Yeo broke down and Joey and Howe fell flat. However, Buddy and Kreuzer continued to show their unbelieveableness to bolster the Vultures healthy winning streak as the finals approach. Late mail coming through advises that sNoZ maybe contemplating stepping down as he realises that he holds dual-citizenship, potentially in contravention of ORFFA doctrine. In a prepared statement sNoZ babbled: “It is with great sadness I’ve discovered I’m a dual citizen. I have always thought of myself as a citizen of the world, with no fixed ties to any particular race, creed or nationality. In fact, my birth certificate lists my place of birth as No Man’s Land c/o The Nether. I have since found out that this is just a forgery which is part of a cruel joke played on me by my “Minecraft addict” son in conjunction with an anonymous ORFFA representative. Upon scratching away the crudely applied “whiteout”, it is now revealed that I am originally from Tennant Creek (which is embarrassingly nowhere near Gundagai). This does explain a lot. I hope that this oversight does not jeopardise my franchise rights or my generally high standing that I hold within ORFFA and the wider universe. I am the only one to blame here and will begrudgingly accept any punishment deemed befitting of my crime, including the surrender of “The Button”.
Wineglass Bay Packers 987 def Larrikin Lagoon Lefties 780
As the old adage goes: “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it play Canasta”. This arguably sums up the season for the Lefties as they continue to show up but rarely with a full deck.
A fortunate fixture aligned for the Packers with a grossly underwhelming performance was puttied over by a 200 point winning margin. Not much to salvage from this train wreck except the continued stand out seasons from McGrath and Berry, as they make a play for rising star bragging rights.
Lovely Banks Lilacs 1138 def Birdsville Battlers 1007
Yet another dead rubber to sadden the gate-taking coffers in the Auditor-Generals dept of the ORFFA. However, with both teams cracking four figures this was a resounding success and something to be widely celebrated. For the home side it was the punishing forward line firm of Heeney, Hoff and Wright setting the bar. On the flip side, the Battlers fell foul to the old “lock the visiting teams’ forward line in the locker and hide the keys in Josh Caddy’s shack” trick leaving Taylor and Josh “Snowman” Battle to hold the fort. Some shining lights from Blakely and Witherden were barely enough to wash away the bitter taste of a Romper-stomping Robertson.
Whitsunday Warriors 1297 def Mount Beauty Uglies 1249
TiB quipped pre game that this could get ugly, far from the truth, this was a cracking affair. Blows to the chin were regularly exchanged but the results were more Oliver-esque than Mills-ish as both sides kept their head in the game. Forward emergencies were called into play for both sides, while both coaches screamed "What the Ruck?"
With midfield hearts proudly on sleeves, both teams fought the good fight with the choccies narrowly going to the Warriors.
Foul Bay Chickens 1384 def by Waikikamoocow Incorrigibles 1419
Upper table clash met all the hallmarks as these two contenders tickled each other til Tuesday. For the Chooks, Mullett and Kelly bluemooned in defence while the Century Fox warmed the audience for the Dangerwood revue. The Cows easily had the antidote for pre game cobalt crop spray as Fyfe, Hanners, McLean and Papley all snapped out of their form funk. With tons oft used as a yard stick, seven vs five in favour of the Cows, reinforced the notion. #nonailsvultures
Iron Knob Codpieces 1313 def Cradle Mountain Devils 1226
Another 8 shaping soirée with some significant aftermath for both sides. The Devils turned up likely favourites in this contest but always with a sly eye on a young pup called Gaz. And with good reason, as the little master showed up for a clinic (and it wasn't to treat facial tumours). A dog day for the Devils as their midfield muffed and their forwards frigged around like a 10 year old with a basket of fidget spinners. Mr Heavy Pants got the whole rabble rawkin, with a sh!thot defence and touch-me-I'm-sick forward line. The injury to Pendles will have the Devils sweating while Vardy basks in the afterglow of the Eagles perpetual injury crisis.
Darraweit Guim Dirigibles 1066 def Wagga Wagga Wombats 1043
When they say winning isn't everything, do they actually mean winning really screws with your expectations of losing? No doubt Chris is being tortured by inner demons and how to implement a tanking/not tanking/no wait what are all these injuries - slight of hand manoeuvre. All the while, still enjoying the spoils of the longest farewell party on the planet. Yeah I know, did I really have to write all that sh!te? Probably not.
Those are probably the worst spent 20 seconds of your life (and the worst spent 2 hours of mine).
Moving on, this match resembled the Aussie Wimbledon fiasco, sickeningly poor efforts, punctuated by an injury here and there. Just waiting for the coaches' pressers where someone declares: "I'm loaded, so get stuffed!"
Marble Bar Misfits 1293 def by Gariwerd Cockatoos 1513
If I were Len I would be mighty p!ssed here. How on earth does the guy sitting 12th OA in SuperCoach have the time to even contemplate his keeper teams, let alone pull out a lazy 1500+ smashing?
Sheesh! I wanna drink at that bar!
Overall, not a bad effort from the Misfits but a heavily stifled midfield added insult to..insult. Hats off to the Cockies and the mammoth showing from Wingard and Hurn supported by some out of the cellar hijinx from Tex, TBC and Lewis. A couple of wins on the trot, rolling into some tough but winnable games vs the Chooks and the Warriors, could see the Cockies sneak into a finals gig.